17-year-old's contemptible family board game strategy earns her the frustration of her mother and family who accuse her of "cheating": 'Everything I did was within the rules'

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Brad Dickson • Managing Editor
Nov 17, 2024 12:00 PM EST

All may be fair in love and war, but when it comes to family board game nights, you can expect the gloves to come off if you go for below-the-belt strategies. Nothing causes family arguments like a competitive board game—heck, even Candy Land games can get heated when someone draws that plum card at the end of a close game—or rockets ahead with a lucky snowflake draw early on. And that's before you get into games that have actual strategy where one can intentionally put another player at an "unfair" disadvantage.

Board games from the beginning of the "Board Game Renaissance" of the late 90s and 00s, like Settlers of Catan, are especially heinous to play with a group of people who aren't of equal sill. "Settlers" especially can be basically won or lost from the pre-game piece placement, and if someone who doesn't know what they're doing accidentally encroaches on your space, ensuring you will both lose, you can be certain that you're in for a LONG game. Of course, intentionally going the route of spoiler and sabotaging someone else game remains an option in games like this, too, and you're not going to make many friends by doing so, even if it's a legitimate strategy.

That's pretty much what was going on in this family board game disagreement where this 17-year-old's fair-but-contemptible strategy earned her accusations of "cheating" from her mother. The teen shared her experience with this online community in a bid to see whether or not she was in the wrong for employing her dastardly strategy. 

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    AITA for Sabotaging My Family in a Board Game? Hi all, I(17f) was recently playing a board game called Ticket to Ride with my family. For those who don't know, it's a strategy game where players compete to build train routes on a map. You score points by completing routes from your destination cards and claiming railway segments, and you can also lose points if you don't finish your routes by the end of the game.
    via FullTimeWeirdo2007
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    Toward the end of our game, I realized that if I drew more cards to try to finish my routes, I'd probably lose points. So, instead of risking it, I decided to "sabotage" my family by claiming random train routes they might need. This didn't break any rules-claiming any available route is allowed-but it frustrated my mom. She said the way I played wasn't kind and accused me of being an a hle
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    and even "cheating." I told her I wasn't cheating because everything I did was within the rules, and I thought of it as strategic gameplay. For the record, I would never cheat in a board game because that ruins the fun for everyone. But I think any strategy that follows the rules is fair game.
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    So, AITA for sabotaging other players during the game, or is this just part of playing strategically?
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    Edit: hey all since a lot of you know the game i'm just going to explain it (we played the european edition). I finished my really long route worth 21 points so half of my trains were already gone. I had another route worth 12 points but my mom unintentionally blocked me when i almost finished it. I didn't
    via FullTimeWeirdo2007
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    have enough trains to make another route so i just decided to block other people and then try and get the longest route possible for the 10 bonus points. Afterwards my mom claimed this was unfair and according to her i should have drawn another route even though that would almost certainly make me lose points because otherwise you're just being annoying and ride.
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    She also said that people can just complete one route and then annoy other people and that's no fun. I told her that was weird because then you'd self sabotage and minimize your chances of winning. She told me that's what she does when she plays and she could understand why I wouldn't do that. Afterwards she just seemed upset.
    via FullTimeWeirdo2007
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    For those asking, yes, I play games to win and can get really into them. After reading a lot of the comments i've realized my parents probably play more for family bonding than competition. I also struggle with reading social cues, and sometimes my family gets cutthroat too. How do I figure out when to play nice versus when I can play to win? I love board games, and I think they do too, but I don't want to ruin the vibe.
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    OP has offered the following explanation for why they think they might be the a hole: 1. I sabotaged my family by claiming random routes they needed instead of working on my own.
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    2) It frustrated them and made the game less fun. Even if it's allowed, it might have felt mean-spirited in a family setting.
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    Dazzling_Sus... 13h ago. NAH. You didn't technically break the rules, but you also played in a way that makes the game less fun for the group. Games are played in a social context. Some groups are going to be hyper competitive, some groups prefer a more positive, collaborative and laid back style. Neither
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    style is right or wrong. My guess is that your Mom (and maybe the rest of the group) thinks of family game night as a way to have a good time together, so when you bring a style of play that's highly competitive it wrecks the vibe.
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    . Fit-Profession... 13h ago • NTA I love that game. I don't like to play with people whose only purpose is to screw everyone else's game but that's a personal preference, it's a perfectly viable and logic strategy.
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    Btw I don't know if you're familiar with the board game arena website but it has tons of games, including that one for like 36€ a year. Some are free but for TTR you need the premium account. I play there all the time.
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    ElderBerryMo... • 13h ago. 1. I love that game. 2. I've also been called an AH for doing the same thing (so yes, expect some bias) 3. NTA. Playing within the rules and trying to win does not make you an AH. That being said, I've found that it's sometimes best to temper more
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    aggressive game strategies depending on the people you are playing with
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    jellobusty 13h ago NTA. You didn't cheat, and part of strategy can involve blocking others. It's a game, and your mom's frustration seems more about the competitive nature than fairness.
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    . jellobusty 13h ago NTA. You didn't cheat, and part of strategy can involve blocking others. It's a game, and your mom's frustration seems more about the competitive nature than fairness.
    via FullTimeWeirdo2007
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    DrBeckenstein 12h ago • NAH. You and your mom just have different goals for gameplay. Some people just want a simple pastime and chance to connect, where winners of are pretty much left to chance. Others like to strategize and compete with others' strategies and learn from one another.
    via FullTimeWeirdo2007
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    There are some games where I'm aware I turn into a cutthroat b Ird. I love my family, so we don't play Scrabble or air hockey because I become a j It's like I can't turn it off. This is one of those social things you need to learn. Read the room. Is everyone just joking around? Maybe inadvertently playing a move that screws another player's, but nothing intentionally malicious? Or
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    is everyone really thinking through their moves and strategy, and sometimes even sabotaging opponents? If you're the latter during game night and everyone else is the former, people will think you're a j and probably won't want to game with you anymore if it keeps happening. You're
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    playing within the rules and so aren't an AH, you're just missing the social cues as to whether you're playing. to socialize, or to win.
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    bootyfairygirl • 13h ago • NTA. You played within the rules, and using strategy to block others is part of the game. It's competitive, not cheating.
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    KrofftSurvivor · 13h ago NTA - This is how the game works... Probably don't play Settlers of Catan with Mom either?
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    lurgi 13h ago • I don't do this with my kids, because it's just mean. 100% legit against adults (plus, you get points for making routes. Points are points).
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    utensil_6882 · 13h ago . NTA. Route blocking is a completely valid strategy. It's the whole reason for the rule on how one player can't take both sides of a two-line route; those double-wides are "safer" but less efficient routes that players can use to avoid being blocked.
    via FullTimeWeirdo2007
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    diminishingpa... 13h ago • • NTA. it's a strategy game where players compete That's the point of playing games like this. They're competitive.
    via FullTimeWeirdo2007

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